Things I'm Scrupulous About, Vol. 1: Arguing With My Husband

I doubt most people enjoy fighting with their spouse. Yet most couples would see arguing as an unpleasant and sometimes necessary part of marriage. When two people live together, they’re bound to bump against each other’s rough edges. Every couple has issues which need to be addressed honestly. Sometimes—because we’re human—we bring anger into it. It happens.

I have a very, very hard time accepting this fact of married life. I hate arguing with my husband. I hate conflict and (scrupulous me) I especially hate the guilty feelings that come with my feelings of anger. My knee-jerk reaction is to think that my feeling angry is always a sin.

As a consequence, I spent several years of marriage avoiding necessary communication so as to avoid all those yucky feelings. Instead of saying, “Hey, honey? That thing you did? It bugged me,” I’d opt for the much superior and totally awesome passive-aggressive approach of silently tiptoeing around my husband like a wounded victim. Because this…

I’m upset. Can you tell I’m upset? I feel guilty for being upset, but could you please apologize to me, anyway? I’m not going to tell you what you did because that’d be an accusation and I don’t like accusing you. That’s right, you’ll need to guess. Even though I’m not sure I even have a right to be upset, I still want you to validate my feelings even though I’m not going to tell you what they are…

… works, right?

Or not.

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